(is saying): Now look you this temple is condemned I assure you. You is all homeless peoples, haha


NO, spare it, I implore ye! I offer ye jigajig (and WEETABIX) if thy stayest thy hand


Mmmm, WEETABIX. For shame ye is a temptress and I is temptred. For shame. Yet still my answer, the building is die!

It is singing and dancing with feet:

Oh I is building inspector
Not a builder or erector
When they is crumble I knocks em to ground
Then put up a fucking Ikea or multi-storey carpark



It is stab the inspector


WEETABIX! I is die. For shame

The PRIEST (it says): Hahah! Now he is no longer and will be buried in the sepulchre, but dead. But you go in alive along of him. Company and plenty ponging, the quick shall lie down with the stiff, oh the irony


For shame!

It sings (reprise)

And cockles and mussles

The PRIEST (it says)

Hush, scarlet jezebel, now I drop you

[He is drop it down the hole!

The Judith (diminuendo, is plummeting) the Aaaaargh

Is come in the SARAH. It speaks:

The JUDITH's father the KING is here at the head of his mighty army. He has forgiven the Judith and asks to be reconciled with her, and plenty plenty rejoicing


The man's timing is an atrocious thing. (Peers down hole; calls): Is alive? The Judith? Me old mucker? Is enjoy the drop in sepulchre joke?

The JUDITH (from below; dismally):


The PRIEST (quickly, having think)

I is fetch the fishing rod plenty damn quick isn't it. You is dress up as the JUDITH and deceive her FATHER and ply him with WEETABIX


For shame! He will cut off your grollocks and have my fanny condemned and boarded up

It sing:

Don't mess with my Toot-toot
Don't mess with my Toot-toot, &c


No time! Obey I or you know what

The SARAH dress as The JUDITH. The Judith is groaning from hole. The PRIEST is throw WEETABIX at her to keep her quiet

The KING (is enter):
Make way for the King! Is I. Where is daughter?

The SARAH (is pretend): Is I, Daddy!

The King: Hubba! I mean, how my child is grown. An angel is appear to me isn't it and I am to forgive you or you know what


Hurrah! Immenso! Plenty rejoice. (Is slimy off and get fishing rod and dangle down hole of sepulchre)

The JUDITH (in hole) Ouch!

The PRIEST (to the Sarah) You is distract him isn't it, use wiles and offer gifts

The SARAH: Well, Daddy, can I offer you WEETABIX? A solid silver nostril clipper? Jigajig?

The KING (briskly) The third thing please. Oh, but wait - you is my daughter! For Shame!

The SARAH (huskily, all seductive like): Gay! Gay! Gaaaay! You is gay and queer!

The KING: I is not neither! Could a queer do this? (Puts three WEETABIX in his mouth at once and swallows they) Without milk!

The SARAH (is rub the king bicep like naughty lady): So manly!

It is sing:

So macho
He's gotta be
So macho
Big and strong
And cockles and mussels
And a fuck-off big car
My funny valentine, yeah

The SARAH is dance and waggle boobies and try to grab king pee-pee. The KING avert him eyes and cry, 'No, enough, for shame, be still, my loins.'

The PRIEST it is reel up the JUDITH from the hole on end of hook caught in it hair

The JUDITH (it wonder):

Can this it be... the fabled the fisherman of the Gods?
My soul ascend! I reeled to heaven!
I will be reunite with the RAIMONDO there,
In land of milk and honey, and plenty plenty WEETABIX

It is happy and transfigured. Violins plays. The priest gaff and land the JUDITH and stun it with rock

The SARAH (all sophisticated like):

Come on Mister The KING you show me pee-pee we make jigajig plenty good

(it nibble WEETABIX seductively and rub on boobies

The KING (it roar)

Enough! My daughter is scarlet jezebel cavort with WEETABIX! I not forgive! You is must bury it alive in sepulchre isn't it

The PRIEST (amiably): can do

It kick the JUDITH back in the hole and throw the SARAH in after

The SARAH and the JUDITH (duet) the aaaargh

The KING it leave. The PRIEST (exclaiming): the Phew

The Curtain is fall again. It is hurt the Priest foot

The PRIEST (saying)
My foot



5th Apr 06