ii) 'The greatest statesman since Talleyrand, the greatest humanitarian since Gandhi.' Is this is a fair assessment of Tony? Which of his qualities does it omit?
iii) Describe the errors of any two of the following:
Those opposed to the Euro
Anyone who doubts that Tony is a great statesman and spiritual leader
The Millennium Dome
The lowest electoral turn-out in a century
The Parliamentary Commisioner for Standards
Your own mother
A pensioner dying of cancer who has complained about the state of the NHS
Yourself (this is just for practice but is also a test of obedience)
A Labour donor being paid £10 million of taxpayers money to act as a middleman in buying smallpox
Lord Levy being paid £250,000 to get businessmen access to ministers
A rich pornographer in the midst of a controversial newspaper takeover being invited to tea by the Prime Minister and asked for money
John Reid's statement, 'If you are asking if we are going to sit in moral judgement, in political judgement, on those who wish to contribute to the Labour Party, then the answer is no.'
Redecorating your office with £120,000 of taxpayers money
Using horrendous disasters to bury bad news
Stealing gold teeth from an old lady (this is just for practice but you never know)
'To the best of my recollection'
'I was badly briefed'
'I may have inadvertantly misled the House'
'I was being ironic'
'I had my fingers crossed'
Globalisation is good for the Third World and workers in Britain
Privatisation is the answer to everything
Everyone will lose their jobs if we don't join the Euro
Elitist universities or museums
The Royal Family
Lady Penelope off Thunderbirds
The state of the England football squad
The latest storyline on EastEnders
Pop Idol or Big Brother
(a) Work to cut crime by reducing poverty?
(b) Put more police on the streets?
(c) Do neither and let criminals out early because there aren't enough prisons?
ii) You come to power promising to implement the Scott Report on arms dealing and instigate an ethical foreign policy. Do you:
(a) Make good on this pledge?
(b) Do nothing for five years and then implement a watered down version of the proposals in the report, in the meantime underwriting arms deals to some of the worst regimes in the world, giving knighthoods and OBEs to arms dealers, and flying around the world making pompous speeches on the need for peace?
iii) You have a brilliant slogan, 'Education, education, education'. Do you:
(a) Invest heavily in education?
(b) Abolish student grants?
(a) Renationalize the railways and invest enough money so that they become safe and efficient?
(b) Reform the inefficient and dangerous internal competition system?
(c) Sit back in your chauffeur-driven limousine and do bugger all?
(a) Turn the page
(b) Think, 'Oh, how unusual, a nob-end politician attempting to ingratiate himself with the public by associating with celebrities.'
(c) See it as one more example of the soul-sapping banality of modern life and curse God that they were not born on another planet
(d) Slobber and go, 'Hurrr! Look! He is friends with footballers! Hurrr! He must be good! GOOD! Hurrr! I will vote for him! Hurrr! I will vote for hiiiiimmm. Hurrr! We must all vote for him! Hurrr! He likes football! Hurrrr! Vote! Hurrrr! I am happy! Hurrrrr! That is a good fing! Hurrrr! Heeee! Nurrrg!'
(a) Throw it a rope?
(b) Wade in and rescue it?
(c) Arrange a press conference and pledge yourself to a target of pulling it halfway out of the pond by the year 2007?
*you may consult a dictionary
(a) Liberty, fraternity, equality
(b) Making Britain a better place
(c) Our turn for the trough, wahey