Is come in the MESSENGER
It proclaim:
The RAIMONDO is return in triumph at the head of a mighty army!
It sing:
Raimondo!
O-o-o-o Raimondo
And it dance a bit but then get embarrassed
The PRIEST (all withering like): Depart, ladyboy. (To self for the no other bugger is there) The RAIMONDO return in triumph! How like him. Fortunately trap is ready
The RAIMONDO (is enter): My enemy!
The PRIEST: Mine! (Is pull a lever and immenso stone block is falling from ceiling pinning The RAIMONDO
The RAIMONDO (saying) My foot
The Raimondo mighty army is enter saying:
You not hurt the Raimondo wicked priest we slay you plenty quick!
The PRIEST (all casual like): But of course. But where my manners? You men must have been a sore time in the desert, forty days without WEETABIX
It casual drop WEETABIX at other side of temple.
RAIMONDO army men gasp and run towards it and fall down sepulchre hole one after other
The ARMY (chorus): the Aaaaaaargh! We is tricked
The priest him close trap door, tramping heads down to make room
The PRIEST:
So Raimondo is just you and me now isn't it? I death you alive with SCORPIONS, hahah!
The RAIMONDO:
Callous man. Where is mine the JUDITH anyhow? If you is hurt him you is regret
It sing:
It my everything
Everything is it
Oh my little the JUDITH
Thy art really fit
I give you plenty WEETABIX
We make jigajig
We have childrens named:
The Sid, the Harry, the Lorren and the Carstairs
And push them everywhere in big fuck-off pram isn't it
The PRIEST: The RAIMONDO:
O unhappy! Thy knows not what thy do. For lo in the desert I is be meet wise old woman who is tell me verrry interesting story about monkey shines you get up to on Young Priests' Camping Trip on Anglesey
The PRIEST (it agape): No! It cannot be -
The RAIMONDO:
Yes! You is the FATHER of my own loins! I is son! And the JUDITH is your long-lost niece! SUPRIIIISE!
(They is embrace and pinch cheeks
The PRIEST:
My dear fellow, I must make this up to both of you somehow. WEETABIX?
The RAIMONDO:
Yes two sugars please and hoik Judith out of hole pronto
The Priesty: can do
(Him is open trapdoor and saying 'Pass the Judith up here my good men
They is pass up lady but is the SARAH in Judith dress!
The SARAH:
O naughty priest! I knew you not abandon hot momma like yours truly. Now we make jigajig
(she is make smoochy with priesty). You not kill the Raimondo yet?
The RAIMONDO (is mistaken):
Woe is! What bring to this? Can my eyes? Mine the Judith! Then end, ambition!
(It is take the overdose of WEETABIX!
They is bring up the JUDITH, somewhat bent and depleted
JUDITH:
The Raimondo! Mine heart! Alive!
(The soldiers they is hum: 'Alive-alive-o, &c)
The RAIMONDO:
Yes! (It keel over.) No.
The PRIEST:
Mine son! (Examine box) Him swallow 48 WEETABIX at one sitting, the mad fool! Woe is! Fetch milk plenty damn quick
The RAIMONDO:
Forgive me, the Judith, I doubted ye, and also mistook another bird for ye for that because she was wearing thy frock
The JUDITH (with sadly):
O Raimondo! You have also not noticed my new hairdo neither
The RAIMONDO:
Glug glug (for the priesty pour the milk into it): Ah, I live!
The KING (it enter) Angel have rebuked we for not trusting daughter and prophesied a mighty hero who would eat a fuck-off big box of WEETABIX and live to tell the tale thereby becoming the strongest man ever and having a steady supply of energy until lunchtime. He shall inherit my kingdom!
The PRIEST:
Immenso!
The RAIMONDO:
Plenty rejoice!
The JUDITH:
I have had tints put in, you uncaring monster
The KING:
Let wine, WEETABIX and forgiveness flow! Let us give thanks to the mighty Baal with hymns and group jigajig! Last one up the SARAH is a ladyboy!
All:
HURRAH!
(The curtain is fall and rest of temple biffing they on heads
Index
9th Apr 06