This is where I store pieces I've retired from the front page due to their no longer being topical, or their being written in haste and slightly rubbish, and a few miscellaneous personal things which have no connection with the site, and so on.



John Phoenix

Some Poems



Christ on the Baltic

Ramsey Cambridgeshire

Ethel Sartre

Kilroy Was Here (an old novel)

A Very Strange Interview avec Moi

Why I Hate the Internet

Why I Hate TLC

What I will be doing for the Millennium

Towards a New Understanding of Toes

Castrate the bastards!

75 Well-chosen Words


Support the Fuel Protests

TV Guide


A Great Day for Children Everywhere

Stiffen the Sinews and Summon the Blood

Too Hard to Swallow

University of the Damned

Free Prussia

Street Wise


Extreme Opera





What Happened to the Old Site?

50 Films

Browned Off


Something I never properly finished due to lack of technical expertise:
(Only Brits will remember the folderol that was current at the time)

Bikini Napalm Babes On Hogs (Real Hogs, Not The Puffy Bike)

Kinky Librarians With Morris Travellers

Women With Cups of Tea*

*[NB above link is to Internet Archive Cache of my old site, as I can't be bothered finding and uploading all the bits of it. Note the old Phoenix Marabou Nighty Brigade bit is linked off there too, for those who've asked.]

The Marriage Competition Saga [This is likewise an Internet Archive link, to the 'Questions Answered' section of the old site; rummage around for the Marriage Contest bits. Edit: oh, wait, part 5 appears not to be archived, so here: Part 5.]

How To Start Your Own Literary Agency

Foolish Names I Have Called my Cat

In Which A Hyperbolic Comparison Causes Me To Lose It

Licensed to Overkill

Nej Affär Lik Show-Affär


A Poem

Policemen are your friends


Serapion Books

(The following three things were written
specifically to apply for a job advertised
at an American website:)

War News

Hollywood Gay Mafia

Cons. Theory Test


Raymond Ruarke


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