My newest (and, by an order of magnitude of about a thousand, bestest) book is now coming out incredibly soon, probably. It will cost £200 so start saving, or mugging, or squeezing into satin hotpants. No, ten, for about 5000 pages. No, 500 pages, but good ones, with lots of jokes. Good jokes. Nice ones. Jokes you can tell the vicar, some of them, this time. Well, perhaps that vicar-gone-wild who used to run the Co-op. For Christ's sake will this paragraph ever end? The point is my bloody book's coming out so remain there patiently hitting refresh until I tell you to buy it.
Echo? Reminder to self, you haven't updated for thirty years, most of your former readers are dead, no-one under the age of 90 visits HTML pages any more. Hmmm. Further note to self, buy insurance on the 50,000 books, be sure to choose flammable warehouse.
I have a new (brand new, as of 2015) torrid and heart-breaking romantic epic published at Fanciful Fiction Auxiliary, your one-stop shop for bosom-heaving, loin-surging and rib-tickling:
Ooh ooh, quick quick, another Fanciful Fiction story.
This one is by Ulrich Haarburste's protegee Frau Schneemann.
The shock of the new! I have a story up at Fanciful Fiction Auxiliary, home of all that throbs and palpitates. I strongly urge you to read the rest of this most excellent but torrid site.
(In fact you should probably go to their home page first so you get the idea with mine. In a nutshell they do spoof romances - 'Like Barbara Cartland on acid' is one way I've heard them described.)
Due to temporary financial embarrassment I am currently available for hire to do almost anything
Love letters, satirical odes against your enemies, death-threats, megalomaniac ultimatums, homework
Prayers, porn, poetry, pamphlets, post-it notes
Will ghostwrite lavatory graffiti for food
Ulrich Haarburste's book
My other book
As always, check back for news of my new one.
(Probably self-publishing it in the New Year)
The Lost Art of Seduction
Why I Love Victor Mature's Eyelids
How To Be Calm
A Bad Kid
Where I Went for My Holidays
A Rare Find
Online Support Groups
Online Sperm Bank
Some Obscure Saints
The Detectives' Exchange Scheme
French Intellectuals in Afghanistan
Can We Smoke On Planes Now?
Was ist das 'Go'?
New Humanist Pieces
Your Questions Answered
How to Avoid Christmas
Pour le Cinephiles
Slash Fiction Archive
The City on the Edge of Tomorrow
Around the Galleries
Klotilda: A Fragment
How to Talk Foolish
Test your Lateral Thinking
Just Gotta Dance
Just Found This
Journal of Distraction
Rights and Wrongs
That's Gotta Hurt
Sooty and Sweep Macbeth
The Martyrdom of Larry Grayson
Deleted Scene from 'Godawful Life'
Around the Forums
Here Comes the Happy Bus
A Christmas Ghost Story
A Small But Dispiriting Incident
What Happened to the Old Site?
Pour les Bande-Dessinéastes
Get a Grip
The Little Worm
Sample the rest of the delights of
Art of Europe, my kind new hosts
E-mail me (firstname.lastname@example.org)
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All material written by me
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